Cracked Eggs: Prostitution in Middle Earth???

I know, I know.  The Riders of Rohan expansion just came out; I took a several month hiatus away from blogging about Middle Earth lore in LOTRO.  And what do I choose to be my first topic upon return?  In my defense, it is the expansion that finally prodded me to cover this subject!

The Inn at Elthengels

No, this is obviously not a Lore-related post, hence my titling it as a "Cracked Egg" submission.  If you remember back to my early blogging days, the Cracked Eggs series are devoted to little non-Middle Earth jokes and Easter eggs.  I'm drawing a line in the sand and calling out the Dev's obsession with, yes, prostitution!  *WINK*

The impetus for this post actually came from exploring the early areas of the new Riders of Rohan expansion.  In the village of Elthengels in The Wold, they have a lovely tavern.  Being able to explore the insides of the very beautiful homes and buildings of the Rohirrim is something I particularly enjoy.  In Elthengels, we eventually get to go in and speak to some of the patrons.

The upstairs of this particular tavern is a busy place, with many men and women sitting at tables, enjoying the tavern fare.  Curiously there are two small bedrooms that open directly onto the tavern area, partitioned off only by hanging curtains.  One room has a large, full-sized bed; the other room has two small single beds.  *WINK*

"Walking the Streets" - Cosmetic LOTRO

Yes, yes I know what you are thinking:  these are the rooms of the tavern owners, or their servants.  Or the tavern also serves as an inn, and these are guest rooms.  It's Middle Earth!  These are the Rohirrim!  They wouldn't...!  They didn't...!  That seems entirely logical.  But not for me!  My first thought on seeing those rooms were that they are rooms meant to conduct business of generally fairly short duration, several times a night.  *WINK*   It isn't at all unheard of to see such rooms above taverns through history.  Of course, it is equally common to see true inns being run in taverns as well.  What can I say, sometimes the imagination runs and I have to let it.

OK, so maybe I'm be overly imaginative.  But what made me more inclined to make this leap of the imagination are the precedents set in Bree.  Yes, Bree.

In one of my first blog posts, I reference Wink the Cat *WINK* and the Cat House in Bree.  Much has already been discussed about this house, particularly in the LOTRO Forums over the years.  In one of those Forums, Turbine's Berephon is credited with stating this was an inside joke among the Devs.  Believe me, I'm not the first to speculate on exactly what that inside joke might be.  Let's think of different words for "cat."  When a number of one of those "cat" words are congregated together in one house, there could be several types of living situations possible.  And no, I'm not thinking of a sorority house.

Wink and the Other Cats in Bree

Visiting that house is of course part of Chicken Play.  Not to mention being ported there after getting stinking drunk using an Inn League keg - how often is that how most people get into a Cat House in the first place?  Or, sweetest of all, at least we used to be sent there with flowers during the spring festival (even if they really were meant for the "nice" lady next door).

So "cat" lovers *WINK* in LOTRO have always had a special place to go in Bree.  But what if a cat isn't your favorite animal?

Enter - the Turtle House! *WINK*  In the spring of 2012, a new series of quests was introduced to Bree, after teasing us for some time with what were locked doors that could presumably be opened some day.  This let us travel into the interior of a few more Bree buildings, in line with what the Great River area brought us in Stangard and beyond.

Scary little turtles!

But my little radar tells me it was more than this.  After years of having the Cat House in Bree, it was only fair that a Turtle House should open up.  After all, we are told in this quest line that "the mayor has been known to turn a blind eye to the keeping of numerous pets within homes in Bree."  We covered "cat" euphemisms earlier, now let's think about what "turtle" and "turtle shell" can be used to describe.  *WINK*  (Hey, I do try to keep my blog as family-friendly as possible, which is quite challenging with this particular subject.)  We meet the Hobbit Grobo in Staddle, who is clearly a...turtle-phobic?...Hobbit.  Just the thought of these turtles getting bigger fills him with dread.

All I can say is - three cheers for Mayor Graeme Tenderlarch for being Equal Opportunity in permitting fans of cats, or turtles, or both, to have places to visit in Bree!  After all, in the words of Quick-wit Culver in the instance The Infiltrator's Surprise, "Are you sure you're one of us? This has been a long time coming, and I don't want some outsider spoiling it."  Long time coming, indeed!  Fortunately all the turtles in Bree have a home with Artie Root (such a name), who happens to own the nicest window view in the whole town.

The Turtle House - Nicest window in Bree!

I understand, it appears I have my mind in the gutter and there could be all sorts of Freudian interpretations made about ME.  And that I could be accused of drawing these assumptions with very little concrete evidence.  But - meh - I call 'em as I see 'em!  And I see Devs who like to be playful and about as naughty as they probably dare be while still maintaining the integrity of Middle Earth.

Plus I wanted to return to my blog in a big way.  NOW on to Rohan....

Many thanks to Hymne from Cosmetic LOTRO for letting me post one of her early outfit designs, "Walking the Streets."  It has always stuck in my memory and I was pleased to be able to link to it here.  If you have never visited her site before, you are missing so much - please stop by!

Cracked Eggs: Moor Cowbell!

Read here to learn more about the Cracked Eggs series.

I got a Middle Earth fever.

And the only prescription?.....


Moor Cowbell!

There's probably not a lot I need to say about this one lol.  If you happen to not have heard the Moor Cowbell in-game, you are most definitely missing out.  It's got the rhythm, it's got the mooooves, and it will make you shout for Moor!  I just need a Christopher Walken look-alike.  Thank you, Saturday Night Live!

Huge thanks to Council of Eriador kin member, Rhaknor.  Il est un chasseur extraordinaire!  I just wish I could make videos.  ;)

 

The Moor Cowbell is a rare world drop, but don't fear - you can also obtain one from the Curiosities vendor in any skirmish camp.  Once you obtain one, you still have to learn to play it.  The old-fashioned way for non-minstrel classes used to be learning it from a Minstrel who could Mentor you on the Moor Cowbell skills (and any Minstrel who had any sense might refuse!).  Non-Minis are now able to barter a Manual from the Curiosities vendor to enable them to play.  If you are not familiar with playing music in LOTRO, there is a good basic guide on LOTRO-Wiki.  If you would like to play composed songs, you can then find songs to play on sites like The Fat Lute.

Cracked Eggs: A Retired Swedish Dwarf Cuisinier?

Read here for more information on the Cracked Eggs series!

For this Cracked Egg I have to give complete credit to Maliki, dps Mini, scourge of the Ettenmoors, and Council of Eriador leader extraordinaire.  Mal has been playing LOTRO since the end of closed beta - almost 5 years exactly!  Despite a strong aversion to Hobbits, the man knows this game very well.

When I invited kin members to send me ideas to include in my blog, Maliki told me to check out the chef, Bork, in the Free People's Camp at Fornost.  Get it?  Chef?  Bork?  Bork Bork Bork? 

I rode to the camp.  I saw Bork.  He was a Healer and Provisioner.  He didn't try to cook me a single thing.  I thought, "hmmmm...."

I asked Maliki if he was sure about this little Easter egg.  He assured me he was, and that way back when, the NPC Bork was a cook, and that it was his favorite Easter egg in the game.  I arched my eyebrow dubiously (he couldn't see me, after all) and then turned to Google.

And then found an entry on Allakazam that referenced Bork as a "Novice Cook." ORLY?

Mal kindly refrained from saying, "I told you so," and said at some point the designation of the NPC had been changed, he just didn't remember when or ever knew why.

After digging some more, I found the Release Notes that mentioned precisely that:


"Bork zee Cuuk" ves nefer a cuuk und zeereffure-a, hees ooccoopeshunel teetle-a hes chunged tu "Heeler & Prufeesiuner. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!" (Translated from Swedish Chef: "Bork the Cook" was never a cook and therefore, his occupational title has changed to "Healer & Provisioner.") 

I would never have known about this Easter egg, and am betting many of my readers would not also, if not for the impressive memory of my kin leader.  Thank you Maliki!

 But Turbine - why unBork the Bork?!?  This should also fall into the Uncandled Eggs category - another mystery!

McFarlane scolds Bork for changing careers.

Cracked Eggs: A Killer Coney

Look here for an explanation of the Cracked Eggs series.

Deep in the heart of Enedwaith - a land full of terrors from Gaunt Lords to drakes and dragons and awful Shadow Wolves - lies an even greater terror that surpasses them all.  It may be smaller in size, but its thirst for blood is insatiable.

It's the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog.

Wanderers in search of Ost Dunhoth will encounter this small white terror, properly guarding a nearby cave surrounded by destruction and pools of blood.  Monty Python fans will recognize it immediately and will Run Awaaaaaaaay!  I swear I didn't soil my armour the first time I saw him.

Don't let his 1 point of Morale fool you.  I haven't come across a Holy Handgrenade of Arthedain yet, so until that time I'm giving him a wide berth.

Bravo Turbine for this fun bit of Pythonesque tribute.

Props to my Council of Eriador kinmate, Noodly, for bumping this Cracked Egg up on my list!

Frostbluff Theatre

The last two Yule festivals brought an array of fun new activities to LOTRO.  A very popular and unique place to visit has been the Frostbluff Theatre.  Nowhere else can LOTRO players have the chance to formally perform (and critique!) for each other in such a manner.  The plays put on by the G.L.O.B.E. (Green Lily Orators, Bards, and Entertainers) company and the chance to act in one or be an audience member are more than enough draw in and of themselves.  But there's much more to this little theatre that we get to visit only once a year.

I have already mentioned how Turbine pays homage to one of their own characters in the Old Bloodtusk post.

The actual play we get to see and participate in, "The Curious Disappearance of Mad Baggins," carries much more subtle lore than might be seen at face value. It harks back to the strange events of several years ago, on the day of Bilbo's Eleventy-first birthday party.  This is of course the day he disappeared, and did so in a very strange and mysterious manner that caused quite a stir in and beyond The Shire for years afterward.

Remember, this play is the interpretation of local Hobbits who have stayed behind in The Shire, with virtually no idea of the events relating to the War of the Ring or the implications for their own world.   So we see the perspectives of the local Hobbits throughout the play.  Party goers expect to receive gold and jewels as party gifts, because naturally Bilbo is swimming in them after his great Adventure.

The antagonists are the Evil Dwarf and Gandalf the Villain.  Knowing all that we know, this is of course absurd.  But the Dwarves who spirited Bilbo away on their "adventure" are viewed by the other Hobbits as suspicious and up to no good.  The villainous Gandalf is their ringleader.  Gandalf is credited with having an "evil plan" up his sleeve.  The Evil Dwarf is described as "sour-looking," and their ultimate plan is to of course steal the great fortune that everyone believes Bilbo possesses.  Frodo is viewed as a bit of a dupe, and Bilbo is quite mental, though still the hero of the story.  Bilbo's disappearance is attributed to the two villains, the Dwarf and Gandalf, "doing away" with Bilbo and making off with his treasure.

The tendency for Hobbits to view outsiders with suspicion, including other Hobbits, and attribute less than noble motives to outsiders is found throughout The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.  Gandalf was generally held between distant respect for his skills with "fires, smokes, and lights" and some disdain for how he would lead innocent Hobbit lads and lasses "off into the Blue for mad adventures." 

The books do reflect these growing attitudes toward Gandalf - in the time after Bilbo's disappearance, Gandalf returns to Bag End to speak to Frodo and admits that his reputation is in decline:  "I find that I have become rather unpopular.  They say I am a nuisance and a disturber of the peace.  Some people are actually accusing me of spiriting Bilbo away, or worse.  If you want to know, there is supposed to be a plot between you and me to get hold of his wealth."  Although the local Hobbits believed Bilbo was mad (at the end of The Hobbit we are informed that upon his return to The Shire, he discovers he has lost his reputation) and odd, the blame for his disappearance was "mostly laid on Gandalf."  As for Dwarves, it is stated that companies of Dwarves who passed through The Shire to and from the Blue Mountains were the chief source of outside news for Hobbits, yet as a rule Dwarves would say little to the Hobbits, and the Hobbits would not go out of their way to speak to the Dwarves.  So the seemingly over-the-top play is actually quite representative of the attitudes and beliefs concerning Bilbo's disappearance and particularly Gandalf's role.

Another point of interest in the Frostbluff Theatre actually falls into my Cracked Egg category.  If you sit and watch the play, you may notice in between performances that there are a couple of Hobbit critics up in a balcony overlooking the stage.  These two sharp-witted gentleman are Waldo Tunnley and Statdor Proudfoot, who provide some entertaining commentary in between plays.  Possibly something about their exchanges - the insulting comments, the thorough enjoyment of their own humor - sounds a bit familiar?  Even the names sort of sound like...Waldorf and Statler, maybe?

By the way, if you look at the pictures hanging below Waldo and Statdor, look closely at the middle one.  If you approach it, the image just blurs out, but from a distance it looks kinda familiar now, doesn't it?  Now what would a bunch of Hobbits, who have presumably never traveled outside of The Shire, be doing with a painting of what most certainly looks to be Durin's Door, the western entrance into Moria?!  Mysterious, Turbine, very mysterious.

The painting in Frostbluff Theatre

Look a bit familiar to Turbine fans?

John Howe's conceptualization

Professor Tolkien's own rendering of Durin's Door

Sources:  The Fellowship of the Ring, The Hobbit

Cracked Eggs - Old Bloodtusk

Read more about the Cracked Eggs series here.

At a couple points now Turbine has done a send-up of itself, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it.

I will admit to being very sad and disappointed to discover that, after the launch of Free to Play and some content updates, Old Bloodtusk was never to be found in his tree trunk again.  Those of you who played before this time know, Bloodtusk was the temperamental boar who lived in a dead tree trunk outside Archet.  Little level 7's would have to take him on, with varying amounts of success.  It was not uncommon to have to stand there waiting in line to get him with other newbies (we were apparently either too ignorant to group up at that point in order to save time for one mob kill, or just stubbornly resistant to doing so). Inevitably some noob rock star would come in from nowhere and immediately tag him ahead of everyone else waiting to do so.  Ahhh, the old days.  I was lucky enough to take several toons through that area, and Bloodtusk was a regular part of it.  But since Free to Play, he's apparently moved on. His trunk is still there, though.

Nobody's home.

So imagine my pleasure when the Frostbluff Theatre first advertised its new play, an Ode to Old Bloodtusk, in 2010!  I sat excitedly in the theatre, waiting to see what would happen.  Only to be surprised by a change of plans and a play instead about that Mad Baggins.  I wanted to see Old Bloodtusk!  But I really enjoyed how cleverly they added that tiny nod to a popular part of their own game.  I still have high hopes that some day we really might see a Bloodtusk play.

Naturally I was even more excited when I arrived in Dunland a year later, and just outside Galtrev wandered into an area titled Bloodtusk's Den!  My heart raced as I imagined seeing Old Bloodtusk again after all this time and distance!  I eventually picked up the quest to go back to the Den, only to discover this was actually a descendant of Old Bloodtusk, that "old, grisled boar" who had wandered down from the north.  This youngster was called Big Bloodtusk.  How Big Bloodtusk came about so quickly, and grew so large in such a brief amount of time, I'm not quite sure.  But he certainly is a big boy and Old Bloodtusk must have been very proud.

I like how Turbine nested this little joke within a joke about one of their own characters.  He may have been a relatively small and insignificant mob, but for new baby toons, he was definitely a memorable one.  And it has been nice to cross paths with at least his reputation, and a descendant, on my journey south.  It also gives me hope that the now unemployed rep barter NPC's may have found jobs elsewhere in Middle Earth, and that we'll encounter them somewhere as well.

Cracked Eggs - The Number One Threat to Middle Earth

Bears!

Anyone who is a Stephen Colbert fan and LOTRO player probably saw that coming.  I am both, and I adore the way that Turbine planted a little bit of pop-culture in Middle Earth.  While I'd hate to see too many eggs from real life popping up like they do in other MMO's, these are just downright clever and funny.

If you have traveled to the edge of the Fields of Fornost and stumbled upon Mincham's Camp, you have probably met a man named Colbert the Mad.  He's the one we can thank for sending us after the very interesting lost girl, Idalene.  He also likes to rant about the evil bears that threaten Fornost; in other words, he's as obsessed about the villainous, soulless bears as his namesake.

As any baby toon who has stepped foot out of Archet into the greater open spaces of Bree-land understands - THEY. WILL. KILL. YOU!

But this isn't all - when entering the Giant Wing of Helegrod in the Misty Mountains, we encounter the most monstrous epitomy of evil itself - Coldbear (get it - coldBEAR - it's all in how you say the name).  How many noble raids have fallen to him and his bear cronies, one can only guess.

To make matters worse, even if you triumph over him, he COMES BACK as a Wight in the Glacier Fortress at Sari-Surma in Forochel!  Apparently bears do have souls, and they can be resurrected as Wights by Drugoth.  The horror!

Jokes aside (well, jokes included), Mr. Colbert is a true hardcore Lord of the Rings fan, as evidenced in a number of segments from his show.  The man owns Andúril, for goodness' sake!

He knows and respects his Tolkien material, and for that he has my deepest respect.

Read more about the Cracked Eggs series here.

Cracked Eggs

Just like Uncandled Eggs, the Cracked Eggs section will track non-Tolkien/Middle Earth eggs that Turbine has worked into the game. Sure, they are not lore-related or part of Middle Earth in any age.  But they can still be quite fun and clever, and worth a nod!

Watch for these in upcoming posts as well!