Cracked Eggs: A Retired Swedish Dwarf Cuisinier?

Read here for more information on the Cracked Eggs series!

For this Cracked Egg I have to give complete credit to Maliki, dps Mini, scourge of the Ettenmoors, and Council of Eriador leader extraordinaire.  Mal has been playing LOTRO since the end of closed beta - almost 5 years exactly!  Despite a strong aversion to Hobbits, the man knows this game very well.

When I invited kin members to send me ideas to include in my blog, Maliki told me to check out the chef, Bork, in the Free People's Camp at Fornost.  Get it?  Chef?  Bork?  Bork Bork Bork? 

I rode to the camp.  I saw Bork.  He was a Healer and Provisioner.  He didn't try to cook me a single thing.  I thought, "hmmmm...."

I asked Maliki if he was sure about this little Easter egg.  He assured me he was, and that way back when, the NPC Bork was a cook, and that it was his favorite Easter egg in the game.  I arched my eyebrow dubiously (he couldn't see me, after all) and then turned to Google.

And then found an entry on Allakazam that referenced Bork as a "Novice Cook." ORLY?

Mal kindly refrained from saying, "I told you so," and said at some point the designation of the NPC had been changed, he just didn't remember when or ever knew why.

After digging some more, I found the Release Notes that mentioned precisely that:


"Bork zee Cuuk" ves nefer a cuuk und zeereffure-a, hees ooccoopeshunel teetle-a hes chunged tu "Heeler & Prufeesiuner. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!" (Translated from Swedish Chef: "Bork the Cook" was never a cook and therefore, his occupational title has changed to "Healer & Provisioner.") 

I would never have known about this Easter egg, and am betting many of my readers would not also, if not for the impressive memory of my kin leader.  Thank you Maliki!

 But Turbine - why unBork the Bork?!?  This should also fall into the Uncandled Eggs category - another mystery!

McFarlane scolds Bork for changing careers.

Cracked Eggs - The Number One Threat to Middle Earth

Bears!

Anyone who is a Stephen Colbert fan and LOTRO player probably saw that coming.  I am both, and I adore the way that Turbine planted a little bit of pop-culture in Middle Earth.  While I'd hate to see too many eggs from real life popping up like they do in other MMO's, these are just downright clever and funny.

If you have traveled to the edge of the Fields of Fornost and stumbled upon Mincham's Camp, you have probably met a man named Colbert the Mad.  He's the one we can thank for sending us after the very interesting lost girl, Idalene.  He also likes to rant about the evil bears that threaten Fornost; in other words, he's as obsessed about the villainous, soulless bears as his namesake.

As any baby toon who has stepped foot out of Archet into the greater open spaces of Bree-land understands - THEY. WILL. KILL. YOU!

But this isn't all - when entering the Giant Wing of Helegrod in the Misty Mountains, we encounter the most monstrous epitomy of evil itself - Coldbear (get it - coldBEAR - it's all in how you say the name).  How many noble raids have fallen to him and his bear cronies, one can only guess.

To make matters worse, even if you triumph over him, he COMES BACK as a Wight in the Glacier Fortress at Sari-Surma in Forochel!  Apparently bears do have souls, and they can be resurrected as Wights by Drugoth.  The horror!

Jokes aside (well, jokes included), Mr. Colbert is a true hardcore Lord of the Rings fan, as evidenced in a number of segments from his show.  The man owns Andúril, for goodness' sake!

He knows and respects his Tolkien material, and for that he has my deepest respect.

Read more about the Cracked Eggs series here.

Hobbit Archers at Fornost

Looking up into the city of Fornost.

Hobbits are known for being insular, generally preferring to keep to themselves, rarely traveling beyond the borders of The Shire.  Bree-land Hobbits are of course an exception, living side by side with the Big People.  But an exception nonetheless.  Hobbits for the most part have preferred to stick to their own territory and not mix with outsiders.

They do travel, of course.  Their ancestors traveled a great distance from the banks of the Anduin, across the Misty Mountains, some settling into parts of Bree-land and Dunland.  The two Fallohide brothers, Marcho and Blanco, received permission from the Arnorian King Argeleb II at Fornost to cross the Brandywine River and settle what became The Shire.  This was in the year 1601 of the Third Age, or the year 1 in Shire Reckoning. Ever wonder why The Shire is full of crumbling old ruins that look like they just miiiight have been made by Men?  Well, this is why!  The Shire was part of the Kingdom of Arthedain (and Arnor, before it was split up) long before Hobbits arrived on the scene!  Very nice touch, Turbine.

So for a few centuries, Hobbits of The Shire were subjects of the Kings of Arthedain at Fornost, and were responsible for guarding and maintaining the Brandywine Bridge for the kingdom (then called the Bridge of Stonebows).

In the year 1974, as the appendices to the LoTR trilogy show us, Fornost was overrun by the Witch King of Angmar and his forces.  This occured over 1000 years before the events of the War of the Ring in 3019.  When the kingdom of Arthedain fell, the Hobbits moved on and began their own system of stewardship, electing a Thain to run The Shire until the kingdom was restored.  Contact between the Hobbits of The Shire and men was largely sundered - many men forgot Hobbits existed, most Hobbits tried to avoid the Big People.  Somewhere in the mists of all those years, many therefore also forgot that Hobbits had actually gone to the aid of the King of Arthedain to help defend Fornost, and sent some Hobbit archers from The Shire.

Searching for Hobbit Arrowheads in Fornost

In LOTRO, if you travel to Fornost and elect to participate in the quests for the Fornost instance (a long instance, but very much worth it!), you will meet Bartelot and Penny Took, two modern-day Hobbits on an archaeological excursion of sorts, looking for evidence of the Hobbit participation in the defense of Fornost. You will be able to pick up a quest (The Forgotten Company) that will send you into Fornost looking for old arrowheads from those long-ago Hobbit archers.

By the way, Gondor and Rivendell did try to go to the aid of Arthedain - they just got there too late.  They did however still march to Fornost, and booted out the Witch King and his forces.  The Elf-lord Glorfindel was there, and made one of the most infamous prophecies in the War of the Ring lore:  "Do not pursue him! He will not return to this land. Far off yet is his doom, and not by the hand of man will he fall."

So for those who may scoff at the ability of Hobbits to be Hunters in LOTRO, let this be a lesson to you!


Sources:  Appendix A, The Lord of the Rings trilogy